Tuesday 20 November 2007

Back To The Future Rock Show : 3010

0 comments


Correspondence by: The Late Bloomer

of, The Late Bloomer Chronicles

Madd-about-MusicTv (MamTv), is doing it again, hosting yet another intergalactic gig.This time round at the newest, 256th Playboy Mansion ( just coz it had spare rooms!). The event dubbed “Back to the Future Rock Show: 3010”, is a 72hr- non-stop electrifying, stunt-riddled, mind-blowing event that not only features most of the international rock stars of our time but also showcases quite a number of silicone-enhanced boobs, butts, lips etcetera. Some up-and-coming rock artists such as The Wannabees, The Doormats, The Freak-Show Fanatics, the Machinist Parade, Ricky “Hickie” Blue Band Boys and the Time-Travel-Enthusiasts who have been touring with the ageless actor-turned-singer, Dr. Who, will performed their acts and are only too happy to brush shoulders with big names such as Guns and Roses, U2, Pink Floyd, Red Hot Chilli Peppers, Foo Fighters , Inxs, Madonna, Kylie Minogue and Marilyn Manson.

Highlights of the Event

Friday/ 1st Day of Gig

Being one of the media correspondents, I am ecstatic to be cruising around with the U2 mob as Bono has always been one of my favorite people and indeed it is bound to be a Beautiful Day!

Bono (aint he the coolest dude ever!) and his crew are still fixated on saving the earth and have just finished yet another Save The Earth Tour, despite the discovery of two more life sustaining planets, Planet Mother Superior and Planet Virgin Springs on which all the world’s population except China has shifted to in the last millennium.

Bono was just drilling in some universal facts into my already saturated head, when a monster Electrical Storm surged our way and blew off his sunnies! Slash, who had rejoined the group Guns and Roses in 2050, was the culprit behind the commotion. He said he got carried away while fine-tuning his guitar for one of their opening acts and it does not help that his guitar looks and performs more like a vacuum cleaner these days. Recovering from the commotion, I fixed my weave as Bono retrieved his sunglasses and we joined the Red Hot Chilli Peppers on Higher Ground.

It was then that James Blunt stepped in, dressed like it was 1973, but that didn’t seem to deter the hot babe who was draped around his arm, with a t-shirt written Simone on her voluminous bust. In a recent interview by the Rolling Stone Magazine, Blunt had confessed that he had always fancied himself as the fifth member of the Beatles…What a Day Tripper!

Moving on, lots of bands are still arriving at the mansion and I made a good excuse to go out and puff some fresh air, as Bono of U2 is becoming such a pain with his earth talk, I had to scatter! Knowing that he has Vertigo (the fear of heights), I took to the roof-top!

As I strolled through the mansion on my way there, I saw Marylin Manson at a corner singing about The Beautiful People, who he clearly was not! But you gotta hand it to him, he is a genius of some sort, having managed to successively curve an untouchable alter ego that is a far cry from the geek that he is! I am silently wondering who the hell did his make-up?!, when the madness that is Manson, suddenly bursts into a mess of tears and mascara. Looks like the dude is still hurting from his Tainted Love, even though Deta Von Teese had ditched him several centuries back…Who would have thought he had heart?


The re-incarnation of Madonna (What else is new?)

On the rooftop I find Madonna, who is still looking very virginal and this time round she has somehow convinced some of her die-hard fans that she is the physical reincarnation of some Indian goddess. In the meantime she has generated a huge following, a handful of who are on the rooftop with her, chanting some obscure gibberish that is inertly part of her performance these days. Oddly enough some of her followers are known to literally hold Confessions on the Dance Floor! Sadly, her groupies still believe that she is still Like A Virgin down there, since she only adopts her kids from time immemorial! Fact is, the Androids still want to Do It With Madonna!

The Nutters

After getting some fresh air, I realize that I have a shiny nose(blame it on the DNA). So I have to powder my nose in the ladies... God bless the inventor of talcum powder! Although it is not the opportune time or place for an interview, I try my luck with p!nk who I find there. Just as I tap her shoulder for an introduction, she turns and barks at me, “ Leave Me Alone, don’t you see that am having Conversations with my 13 year old self?” I am left utterly flabbergasted as she continues talking to the mirror...

Just as I leave the ladies, while thinking that things couldn’t get weirder, I find Kate Heidke-Miller on stage shrieking about some French Psycho-killer. Leaves you wondering why some rock stars are not in the loony bin…but stranger things have been known to happen. Just blame it on Californication as the Red Hot Chilli Peppers would say, “If you want these kind of dreams…its Californication!

Speaking of eccentric characters, Bjork is in the house! But this time she tells me that she is only there to study Human Behaviour and not shriek* (sic) sing…uh huh…Right! As you were Bjork...

I catch up with the ever gorgeous, Kylie Minogue who is in readiness to perform after the psycho-shrieker, Kate heidke-Miller, and manage to get some gossip about her love life. It is all over the grapevine that she has yet again left her long-term boo, Olivier (this time for good or so she says), but her Body Language is clearly saying something else …Well I guess, Better the Devil You Know, Kylie…

Next, I catch up with the artist formerly known as Prince, who is seated aloof at a corner, amusing himself. I can’t put a finger on whether he is a boy or a girl today, because his Sexuality has always been a mystery to me…but my questions are put to rest when he approaches me after he noticed that I was staring and says, “ You are the most beautiful girl in the world!” Apparently, as I was later told, that was his oldest pick up line…but after a few minutes of establishing that I aint his Future Baby Mama, he tells me that he intends to move to New New York(not a typo) since he reckons, ‘All the critics love you in New York!”

Its already midnight now, and the place feels like Canned Heat. I overhear Jamiroquai telling his Cosmic Girl that the air-conditioning has broken down since someone had rewired the cables for their electric guitar…(Oh dear! Slash of Guns n' Roses must be really proud of himself!)

Anyway, as the convertible roof is being opened to let in some fresh air, I get a lucky interview with Jamiroquai. He is currently a Space Cowboy and has his own reality show titled the same that is touring the galaxy. He tells me that when he met his Cosmic Girl, it was love at first sight but later confesses that, “She laser beamed me with her cosmic eyes!”

Well, seems I need to get myself a cosmic boy…sounds kinky!

As Friday night gives in to Saturday morning I am totally spent and smashed after having 10 shots of Hot Tequilla Brown with Jamiroquai and his girl.

I stumble blindly to bed...


Disclaimer: All scenarios and characters are depicted in a fictional manner for the purposes of fantasy entertainment.Various assumptions have been made and should be overlooked for the pure enjoyment of this article.

Related Posts with Thumbnails