Late Bloomer's Travel Chronicles

We were Pimping All Over The World with Ludacris and found ourselves seated next to the O’jays in the Love Train. Apparently the whole Jackson's famo was there too coz they were headed to Janet Jackson’s opening gig for her latest album the 20 Y.0. and I could tell that she was looking forward to it because she was acting So Excited! It was obvious that she was estatic because she was all nippy(no pun intended!) and snuggling next to her boo, Jermaine Dupri who had his I “Gotta Get it” look perfected…and kept on saying Damita Jo or my bad…was it “damn it Jo?”you know these miros have that deep lingo going on…so anyway…I spot Andre and Antwan “Big Boy” Patton of Outkast heading our way on the aisle…they were looking a bit Tipsy and J’kwon gave them a momentary disgusted look before he continued darting the hot Mexican chic sitted next to him…if only he knew she was Santana’s daughter Maria na kweli alikuwa under 18…he would have thought twice about throwing darts her way. So anyway…I think the pint got the best of Andre…and he happened to spill one of his drinks on Janet’s bossoms as he passed …I don’t know how but it just happened…so anyway the dudes had to apologize profusely…Andre kept on repeating…Am sorry Miss Jackson…so now am stuck with that song on my head even though right now am at Janet’s concert coz enyewe we decided to take a detour with Luda to Atlanta where Janet’s gig is happening. And anyway Luda was like..”ATL is my kinda “Area code” *bitches…so we had to stop over.
I saw Big Boi backstage , a bit sober now, as he was handing Janet some red Roses in apology for his mate's , Andre, misdemeanor in the train. I could tell that he was still feeling bad about the whole thing…esp. since Janet Jackson was still recovering from her world famous faux pas in the super Bowl performance with Justin Timberlake.Talk about the devil…I spotted Justin Timberlake at some corner katiang the same under -18 lale thinking that that “Senorita” vibe of his would work…Enyewe that lale was hot like Wow!? Mya was feeling a bit outshined by Santana’s daughter tonight...and if Buba Sparxx had seen her he would have definitely given her the Miss New Booty award…y lie!So moving forward…Janet was up onstage doing her thing and everything was running on smoothly to the t....!I brushed shoulders with all sorts of celebrities. Kanye West was sitted in his stunnas, and mind you it was dark, and next to him was a chic who just fitted the perfect definition of a Gold Digger…she looked a bit too old for his taste…lakini this is the High School Drop-out we are talking about…so I guess he is allowed!
Finally, Kelis is Here with Nas her hubby and she was feeling kinda Bossy. When Nas’eyes locked with J-zay’s (who also happened to be present)… J-zay just brushed the metaphorical ‘Dirt off his shoulder” and whispered something to his boo, Beyonce…who was apparently Fighting Temptation not to give akina Kelis one of her Nasty Girl look.Right about now Luda was craving some Southern Fried chicken and so we had to bail to the nearest KFC coz enyewe …I was feeling hungry too…plus the concert was getting boring…coz all Janet ever says is the word baby…and her dance routines have become sort of mundane these days lakini we had given her enough support for the night. Luda was so hungry and I heard him tell some chic,"Move Bitch, get out the way!"…I told him he needed to show a bit more of that "Southern Hospitality" but he retorted back that I was becoming a "Growing Pain."So anyway…after the KFC after sijui How Many Licks with Lil Kim who we had found there…we stepped out of the place and we had not really made up our minds on whether or not we wanted to go back to Janet’s Concert, when what’d ya know who shows up cruising in his Lamborghini?…Lil Jon came out holding some real Crunk Juice and invited us over to check out his new found Lover and Friend…(for the slow ones…he was referring to his Lamborghini!) It was Yellow, but I was really surprised to find that he was listening to a Coldplay CD! That was pretty surprising… considering this is Lil Jon we are talking about. So anyway he must have seen my perplexed look and changed the CD…and had us all Snapping Our Fingers to some sawa crunk tunes. While we were still there trying to get a timam plot for the rest of the night Mya showed up in her Mustang and told us that one of Janet’s dancers had Fallen vibaya and that they had stopped the concert momentarily…so now she was here to grab some fast food as well coz she was not a Sophisticated Lady!I told Mya that Lil Kim was there too stuffing her face coz she was sure she wasn’t gonna get fast food in jail. (Remember Lil Kim’s Case…she was currently appealing for leniency for Perjury.). So anyway, Mya and Lil Kim probably needed to reminisce on their Lady Marmalade days so we left that place and decided to hit the club for a Jump Off. As Lil John put it…lets Get Low…but the only thing that was low was his ride. We were all busy sipping some of that crunk juice he had stashed on the back seat and I can’t remember Cauz i got High…but surely…Afro-man was in the ride…or just some guy who had an uncanny resemblance to him. Anyway it was just me, Luda, Lil Jon and that Afro guy..in the ride.So we fika the hottest Club in town coz ati we had Lil’ Wayne was performing and I couldn’t help but wonder why everyone had the title Lil’ infront of their names these days.So we din't need to Stand Up there waiting in line coz heck, I was with Luda and the rest…so the bouncers let us step in. As we were checking in some white chic who looked like Fergie of the Black eyed peas telling her boo to Shut Up and the guy was like hunny… I Don’t Lie to you!
Men! Me and Luda were feeling too Woozy by this time but the pint kept on flowing our way courtesty of Lil Jon…dang that guy doesn’t ever get high or what?! I guess it’s just the grills he has in his mouth…maybe they dissolve the alcohol in his mouth before it hits his system. I was starting to think loosely .I had to go take a pee…
It was when I entered the ladies’ toilets that I realized that this joint was too popular with well known musicians…coz in there was Tboz and Chilli of T.L.C. bitching about some Scrubs and heck those Girls Talk! Tboz was like she would rather “Touch myself” than settle for a “Quickie”…at that point I stopped listening to their vibe coz enyewe…
Then guess who burges into the Ladies all Teary Eyed…Missy Elliot…and she brushed off some chic to the side and said, “Let Me Fix My Weave!” I could tell she had been involved in a fight recently…and I had missed it all! Anyway, so I entered one of the loos…it smelt so good in there and the floor work was exquisitely done that I was momentarily transfixed and forgot to close the door…so as am doing my biz…when Monica burged in on me!..we were both so embarrassed…but she backed off quickly and when I was done I found her outside and she told me, “Don’t take it Personal.” I was like it was my fault coz I had not closed the door. Tboz and Chilli were still there and now talking about some dude they were referring to as the Creep. God! that vibe was too interesting…I took my time washing my hands and straightening myself out, trying hard not to look like I was eaves-dropping.It was then Brandy ingiad the ladies' and just then Monica chucked from using the loo. Those two gals still had issues…I could tell, coz the tension in there was so thick, it was asphyxiating. So anyway they were trying act civil with each other but I heard Brandy utter, “The Boy (is still) Mine”, under her breathe. But Monica was So Gone…she had even forgotten to wash her hands after using the loo!(yuk!)
I was just finishing up when Pink entered the ladies…I knew I had to bail from there coz that gal…is one bundle of Trouble.! But the lale looked a bit bumped out and just dashed into one of the loos and I could tell from the sounds...(and smell) emanating from in there that things were not so good with her.This continued for like 5 gory minutes …the smell was enough to chase us away from there but she sounded like she was in major anguish and everyone’s had their eyes wide open and noses pinched shut! At one point I almost laughed but tried hard to stifle the laugh. So like another minute passed and then Pink chucks from the loo and to our surprise she screams… “LET’S GET THIS PARTY STARTED!!!” I had no words for her.I just chucked from there hoping that I was still smelling good.!