Back To The Future Rock Show : 3010

Correspondence by: The Late Bloomer

of, The Late Bloomer Chronicles

Madd-about-MusicTv (MamTv), is doing it again, hosting yet another intergalactic gig.This time round at the newest, 256^th Playboy Mansion ( just coz it had spare rooms!). The event dubbed “Back to the Future Rock Show: 3010”, is a 72hr- non-stop electrifying, stunt-riddled, mind-blowing event that not only features most of the international rock stars of our time but also showcases quite a number of silicone-enhanced boobs, butts, lips etcetera. Some up-and-coming rock artists such as The Wannabees, The Doormats, The Freak-Show Fanatics, the Machinist Parade, Ricky “Hickie” Blue Band Boys and the Time-Travel-Enthusiasts who have been touring with the ageless actor-turned-singer, Dr. Who, will performed their acts and are only too happy to brush shoulders with big names such as Guns and Roses, U2, Pink Floyd, Red Hot Chilli Peppers, Foo Fighters , Inxs, Madonna, Kylie Minogue and Marilyn Manson.

Highlights of the Event

Friday/ 1^st Day of Gig

Being one of the media correspondents, I am ecstatic to be cruising around with the U2 mob as Bono has always been one of my favorite people and indeed it is bound to be a Beautiful Day!

Bono (aint he the coolest dude ever!) and his crew are still fixated on saving the earth and have just finished yet another Save The Earth Tour, despite the discovery of two more life sustaining planets, Planet Mother Superior and Planet Virgin Springs on which all the world’s population except China has shifted to in the last millennium.

Bono was just drilling in some universal facts into my already saturated head, when a monster Electrical Storm surged our way and blew off his sunnies! Slash, who had rejoined the group Guns and Roses in 2050, was the culprit behind the commotion. He said he got carried away while fine-tuning his guitar for one of their opening acts and it does not help that his guitar looks and performs more like a vacuum cleaner these days. Recovering from the commotion, I fixed my weave as Bono retrieved his sunglasses and we joined the Red Hot Chilli Peppers on Higher Ground.

It was then that James Blunt stepped in, dressed like it was 1973, but that didn’t seem to deter the hot babe who was draped around his arm, with a t-shirt written Simone on her voluminous bust. In a recent interview by the Rolling Stone Magazine, Blunt had confessed that he had always fancied himself as the fifth member of the Beatles…What a Day Tripper!

Moving on, lots of bands are still arriving at the mansion and I made a good excuse to go out and puff some fresh air, as Bono of U2 is becoming such a pain with his earth talk, I had to scatter! Knowing that he has Vertigo (the fear of heights), I took to the roof-top!

As I strolled through the mansion on my way there, I saw Marylin Manson at a corner singing about The Beautiful People, who he clearly was not! But you gotta hand it to him, he is a genius of some sort, having managed to successively curve an untouchable alter ego that is a far cry from the geek that he is! I am silently wondering who the hell did his make-up?!, when the madness that is Manson, suddenly bursts into a mess of tears and mascara. Looks like the dude is still hurting from his Tainted Love, even though Deta Von Teese had ditched him several centuries back…Who would have thought he had heart?

The re-incarnation of Madonna (What else is new?)

On the rooftop I find Madonna, who is still looking very virginal and this time round she has somehow convinced some of her die-hard fans that she is the physical reincarnation of some Indian goddess. In the meantime she has generated a huge following, a handful of who are on the rooftop with her, chanting some obscure gibberish that is inertly part of her performance these days. Oddly enough some of her followers are known to literally hold Confessions on the Dance Floor! Sadly, her groupies still believe that she is still Like A Virgin down there, since she only adopts her kids from time immemorial! Fact is, the Androids still want to Do It With Madonna!

The Nutters

After getting some fresh air, I realize that I have a shiny nose(blame it on the DNA). So I have to powder my nose in the ladies... God bless the inventor of talcum powder! Although it is not the opportune time or place for an interview, I try my luck with p!nk who I find there. Just as I tap her shoulder for an introduction, she turns and barks at me, “ Leave Me Alone, don’t you see that am having Conversations with my 13 year old self?” I am left utterly flabbergasted as she continues talking to the mirror...

Just as I leave the ladies, while thinking that things couldn’t get weirder, I find Kate Heidke-Miller on stage shrieking about some French Psycho-killer. Leaves you wondering why some rock stars are not in the loony bin…but stranger things have been known to happen. Just blame it on Californication as the Red Hot Chilli Peppers would say, “If you want these kind of dreams…its Californication!”

Speaking of eccentric characters, Bjork is in the house! But this time she tells me that she is only there to study Human Behaviour and not shriek* (sic) sing…uh huh…Right! As you were Bjork...

I catch up with the ever gorgeous, Kylie Minogue who is in readiness to perform after the psycho-shrieker, Kate heidke-Miller, and manage to get some gossip about her love life. It is all over the grapevine that she has yet again left her long-term boo, Olivier (this time for good or so she says), but her Body Language is clearly saying something else …Well I guess, Better the Devil You Know, Kylie…

Next, I catch up with the artist formerly known as Prince, who is seated aloof at a corner, amusing himself. I can’t put a finger on whether he is a boy or a girl today, because his Sexuality has always been a mystery to me…but my questions are put to rest when he approaches me after he noticed that I was staring and says, “ You are the most beautiful girl in the world!” Apparently, as I was later told, that was his oldest pick up line…but after a few minutes of establishing that I aint his Future Baby Mama, he tells me that he intends to move to New New York(not a typo) since he reckons, ‘All the critics love you in New York!”

Its already midnight now, and the place feels like Canned Heat. I overhear Jamiroquai telling his Cosmic Girl that the air-conditioning has broken down since someone had rewired the cables for their electric guitar…(Oh dear! Slash of Guns n' Roses must be really proud of himself!)

Anyway, as the convertible roof is being opened to let in some fresh air, I get a lucky interview with Jamiroquai. He is currently a Space Cowboy and has his own reality show titled the same that is touring the galaxy. He tells me that when he met his Cosmic Girl, it was love at first sight but later confesses that, “She laser beamed me with her cosmic eyes!”

Well, seems I need to get myself a cosmic boy…sounds kinky!

As Friday night gives in to Saturday morning I am totally spent and smashed after having 10 shots of Hot Tequilla Brown with Jamiroquai and his girl.

I stumble blindly to bed...

Disclaimer: All scenarios and characters are depicted in a fictional manner for the purposes of fantasy entertainment.Various assumptions have been made and should be overlooked for the pure enjoyment of this article.

Gone Are The Days...Phew!

Pic 1. Structure of the standard high school latrine.(This one looks even more structurally secure than the ones in my old high school!)

Pic. 2 Inside a standard high school pit latrine.

Like some (or most) of you, I hated my high school experience. From the snobby prefects (branded cops) to the shady pit latrines that we used for toilets in between class breaks since the dorms where under lock and key: so that students could not sneak back into the dorms for a mid-day siesta, after a lunch time meal that consisted of half-done ugali (made from maize flour) and a piece of cabbage that floated in a plate of luke warm water ( the stew in this case!) that left you feeling heavy-eyed and blotted.

It is the pit latrines that traumatized me the most and without them in the picture I might have actually tried to have a good high school experience! I occasionally still have nightmares* of those lats. (latrines) 5 years down the lane.

I usually find myself squatting butt-nekkid in one of those latrines and the next thing I know the flimsy excuse of a floor gives in and I find myself falling into an abyss of darkness. It is when I wake up in a sweat that I realise I was only having a bad dream.

The problem with our high school latrines is that they were not bottomless pits. In fact you could easily see the contents of peoples lunches without straining too much into the hole: This was of course with the help of the stream of light that you got into the latrine by leaving the door slightly ajar so that you would “aim into the hole” or rather “not miss”! But then again you were faced with another moral dilemma; While trying to aim into the hole, you were left with no choice but to look into it and see all sorts of colours congealing with each other and of course the acrid smell of the wee always hit you stack in the face: sometimes it rose up like vapour fumes from the hole right into the fabric of your school uniform: hence most of us would strip our sweaters before we entered the pits!

The size of the standard pit: 1m x 1m (and sometimes smaller…you wonder what was with the mincing of space because most pits were always surrounded by large stretches of land with knee-high savannah grass and no other buildings were built nearby ( mostly because of the pungent smell that emanated from the latrines.

The standard high school latrine was mostly always a slab of concrete with a rectangular or square hole in the middle (big enough to swallow your leg in!) with corrugated iron walls and roof with a wooden door made of rough sawn timber planks joined roughly together with unconcealed nails.You were lucky to find a latrine door that had a knob, more less one that could close! As for the corrugated metal, it was mostly rustic, corroded mainly by the fumes that emanated from the pit.

In the standard high school latrine: no tissue was provided. You had to carry your own or suffer the consequences!

It was even worse in the wet season because then the pits would fill up with rain water and spew out most of their contents onto the surrounding ground. Only then did the school administration think of the latrines as hazardous! After a few months, when the rain had relented and the “contents” settled back into place the school admin. would then declare the pits safe to use, without much repair work done!

In short, our high school latrines were an accident waiting to happen.

As I said before: the latrine space was tight. The only movement you could make freely was when you squatted down to align hole with hole and when you stood up after you finished your business. The rest of the locomotion required specialized skills as you navigated your way into and out of the latrine. Some students made it look so easy: the ducking in and out of the latrine,I mean…

And then talk about the mess some people left the latrine in after using them. Eish!I remember we used to say, “ Watch out for that loo , someone has decorated it!” Manze those toilets were hell on earth!

But on the other hand I have come up with a conspiracy theory about the whole Latrine System business in my former high school. It was there to instill some sense of discipline in us.

1. No student had the time to waste in a man-hole type of environment; hence there was very little or no graffiti penciled or marked onto the walls and door.But then again it did limit our creativity inside the toilet! The other thing is no one could dare smoke a fag in the latrines because it was a matter of using them out of necessity- a duck in, duck out affair or rather a less-than-one-minute affair- so woe unto you if you were constipated!
2. The art of Self-control was also instilled by default. I remember many are the times that I held my bladder-about-to-bust until the time when the dorm toilets were actually available for use rather than use the pits from hell!

Personally I think convicts in western countries get better social amenities then we did in high school!

Then, there was a kind of chaste system in high school were everyone was ranked according to the role or duty they did. On top of the list were the prefects(or cops), then rest of the student community was classed according to the school duties they did: there were the library workers, the dining hall workers, the chapel workers, the dormitory workers and lastly there were the latrine workers. You were made to feel like the lowest of the lowest if you were a latrine worker and mostly this role was given as a sort of punishment. In other cases cops assigned the prettiest girls, or the more wealthy girls such menial jobs just to bring them down. Woe to you if you were not “well connected” with the cops.

So that’s it! Something about my high school experience. It would be interesting to hear what other funny experiences people had in high school.

The Ettamogah Pub

The Ettamogah is literally a pub straight out of a comic book! This pub was a direct blueprint from the pages of Ken Maynard's cartoon series that was featured in Australian and New Zealand Post Magazines. It was built in 1989 and remains one of Southern Australia's Icons. It is the most photographed pub in the world.

Here are some photos I took of the Ettamogah Pub this weekend on my trip back from Sydney.

Pic.1 Front Elevation

Pic. 2 Cartoon Image from which the quirky building form was adopted.

Pic 3. The Ettamogah Pub behind me.

Inside ,the Ettamogah Pub is filled with more cartoon strips by Ken Maynard, and mostly written in Australian Vernacular( read Bush Language). Most of the inside walls are graffiti-ed by lots of stick on paper snippets scribbled on by tourists who wanted to "leave their mark" at the Ettamogah. Others just stick their business cards on a huge column in the foyer.
The building itself is quite large and not a quirky small crawl-in.
This was one of my highlights on my weekend trip to Sydney!

On My Birthday Eve...

Yap, yet another year has passed and am a little bit older and wiser than I was last year a time like this...kids grow fast I tell you and the beautiful ones are yet to be born... Like most of you am pretty content with the time of year that I was born in and 7 has always been considered a lucky number by most...so I reckon am a lucky person in one way or another. So to celebrate this day with all my friends and family both close and those far and away, I saw it appropriate to dig up some photos from my hay days and share them with ya'll. This little lass was quiet a dynamite in her early days...I wonder what happened? hmm... I guess she grew up!

Me and my mum...I was about a year old.
Note the size of that biscuit!

Me at 2 years: I think my first solo studio portrait. I did my parents proud!

I think this has gotta be one of my kodak moments! I was 2 going on 3 and very, very mischievous!

What a smile!

Me at 6 I think.

ASTROLOGICAL FACT

"Gemini is bored easily and feels uncomfortable in an enclosed environment. Naturally bright and alert, they use a good vocabulary and enjoy learning for its own sake. Gemini has a retentive memory for facts and languages. They may skim the surface of whatever is being studied but they cover a wide territory. Easy talker, Gemini sometimes stretches the truth to make a good story. They prefer to do more than one thing at a time, but they need to learn to finish what they start."

Happy World Environment Day (WED)

Today, in the spirit of World Environmental Day, I decided to take some photos of the nature that surrounds me. It being autumn and all, I am always enchanted by the orange tinge that some of the trees acquire during this time of year and the heaps of orange that blankets the ground when those leaves fall.

I took these beautiful pictures at my Uni. grounds.

[Click the images for larger views.]

An Ode to Mother Nature!

I loved the lemony shade of this tree.

...of oranges, greens and yellows...and the brick building at the background adds to the whole ensemble of vibrant colours that make up for a cloudy day!

I think the bike rider with his orange jacket added a bit of spice to this picture.

Still getting there...The colours seem to be ripening as autumn reaches its full bloom.

Click here for 77 ways to celebrate WED from the UNEP website.

7 things about Jo

1.I care about what people (will) think.

This is one of the bad aspects that I am really trying hard to shake off and sometimes I tend to do the opposite and do stuff regardless of what people think or want. And that makes it even worse coz then I end up giving them something to talk about. Bottom line is...I hate it when I feel forced to comply to what others want...but sometimes its a means to an end, and thats when I have to swallow my pride...

2.I am an escapist.

Yes, I have to own up to this. I always find myself procrastinating or doing something else " that is more fun, than what I am supposed to be doing.Example, I am blogging right now, when there are a million other things that I should be doing...like working on my 3d model on skecth-up, or drafting my plans, sections, elevations and perspectives or that 2500 word essay on architectural theories that's due in 2weeks time and I haven't even started on the research!
See, that right there is escapism and am a class -act extermist when it comes to it, but jeez, give a girl a break!Its not last minute yet...see another one of my flaws...

3.Coz I got high...

Now like the Aegeus, I get high on music, even without having had any fuel (pints) to precipitate it.Most of the time when I go out clubbing, I will be the ice -breaker on the dance floor and katika like there is no tomorrow. The best experience I have had so far is this one time when I got to the dance floor and there was house music and rock playing and I just got this humongous music connection with some white dude and we chucked moves for each other that left everyone on the floor gasping for more. At the end of the night we thanked eached other for such a whole-some random experience. I tell you, I can only sum it up as priceless! , and it wasn't even about g.r.i.n.d.i.n.g...,though there was a lot of energy in the air fit to ignite a small fire!

4.I hate gossips.

Everyone who knows me knows that I hate vybing about other people. But I love talking about myself! Am sure that doesn't count. Hakuna kitu kaa gossiping about ya-self au?!

5.I love to keep a low profile.

Like most people, I have an inner wild-child that is always fighting to be unleashed, but those who know me well enough, know that I also like keeping a low profile. This is because I sometimes can be mistaken for being a bit big-headed...lakini when you are a pro like that...i guess you can't help it!But seriously, I try to,...very hard.

6.I refrain from judging people too fast.

I don't judge people by first-impressions.This is a good thing, but sometimes I have been taken for a ride*(seen as gullible) by some people who think that I don't know what they are up to.When their actions start speaking louder than their words, I duly bail out!

7.Philosophy that I live by: I am a work in progress...

As a teenager, I never fully appreciated myself.I had deep self-esteem issues which made me shy away from interactions, or even stand up for myself. But with time all that has changed, and although am still not too outspoken, I know that am a force to reckon with in my own calm and collected premise.I read in between the lines and most of the time I am prudent.

@ Aegeus: You only asked for 7; you only get what you ask for!

Boys Vs. Men and a Little Free-Spiritism

This is one of those posts where the pre-conceived ideas are a little murky so its just gonna have to find itself as it unwinds.You know some people are also like that in this day and age, and isn't it a sad affair coz just seem to flow with whatever's happening, go where the wind blows and all- by the way am not talking about free-spirited peeps, at least they know what their purpose in life is! Free-spirits make it their goal to live their life un-inhibited by any kind of constraints and without any moral obligations.-wiki.
One of my girl-friends dropped one of her dudes the other day because he was one of those dudes who was constantly undecisive and always left it up to other people to make up his mind for him. He was not a man, but just a boy...his social life revolved around the boys, they dictated how his day was going to unwind, meanwhile his chille was over there left hanging in the cold.He never usually ever came up with any social activity that was meant to involve only the two of them...so with that said...dude was dropped despite his desperate pleas of, ' I'll change....'
This reminds me of John Legend's song, I can change.." especially these lines,

I'll give up all the places I used to go

Stay out the club

Stay home because I'm with you

I'll give up all those girls that I used to know

They don't compare

Baby I swear it's the truth (you know it's the truth baby)

So I'm through with the women

Yeah that's right.I give up on the pimpin'

Girl I'm gonna repent from my sinnin'

If that's what you want me to do

I'll get right if you want it

Go to church

Get baptized if you want it

Girl you opened my eyes and I'm gonna

Be much better for you

Baby believe me

Baby believe me

Well, the truth of the matter is, a guy can change only if he wants to and not just coz someone else wants him to...so, no matter how good his chic looks like, or how mind-blowing the shag is...he will only change for her if he really loves her.

I also believe that there is always that particular person that's meant for someone, not soulmate, but just their ideal companion...and when they find each other...the world seems to make more sense.

Anyway that aside, and I don't wanna come off as some bitter bitch...but I have refer to "Like A Boy"... on the sole basis that am feeling this ngoma for its bomping, and ciara looks so sa-waah!

Like A Boy Lyrics:

Wish we could switch up the roles

And I could be that...

Tell you I love you

But when you call I never get back

Would you ask them questions like me?...

Like where you be at?Cause I'm out 4 in the morning

On the corna rolling, Doing my own thing...Ohh

What if I?...Had a thing on the side?

Made ya cry?

Would the rules change up?...

Or would they still apply?...

If I played you like a toy?...

Sometimes I wish I could act like a boy.

-courtesy of lyricsondemand.com

Now that I don't wanna leave the "boys" thinking that this was pure hateration...

I will leave you with a capture of luuuvvvvvvvvvv, and peace!

As I digress much further, coz I can feel some dudes preparing ammo coz of this post, I just found out that I have only 6.16Gb of music to brag about while one of my "buddies", The Aegeus was recently boasting about his "100Gb and still growing collection of music." Naskia ka-waruuuuuu!

Enyewe, am spell-bound. When I kuja back to Kenya, I'm a girl with a mi-shoni: to INVADE your itunes music and 'nyak' all the tunes it has to offer! Aegeus...you have been warneD!

Then again to add insult to injury, I have all the crappy songs the Sister Scissors (band-name derived from a sex-style!) , have to offer to the world, except the one that I love listening to on radio, I don't feel like dancing...

So itunes, here I come! Doo-di-la-ding!

Therapy only a (vertically challenged) shrink can offer!

Bethany: "Having a greater appreciation of who and what you are.Am not offended."
-Bethany Horowitz, Boston Legal.

So now the other day I was forced to have a talk with my shrink before the circumstances in my life push me over the edge and right into a loonie bin. I had missed a couple of sessions and my shrink wasn't too pleased with my lack of manners for not being courteous enough to call and cancel.
By the way my shrink lives in the miasma that is called BLACK FEMALE BRAIN...in a purple-velvety sound proof chamber that is only furnished with two humongous leather seats in the middle and small coffee table that always has two glasses of water on top of it, that are always half full... This is her attempt at being minimalistic.
My shrink is my alter ego, Late Bloomer. She is also known to have travelled all over the world and has shook hands, and wined and dined the RICH AND THE FAMOUS.Apart from writing a thesis on human behaviour and its peculiarities, plus several best-seller books on human psychology...She is also currently writing her Late Bloomer's Travel Chronicles.But that is a story for another day... did I tell you that she is a midget? Yep.
Today I had this appointment with her at 3.00pm sharp. I was the last patient scheduled for her to see.One haughty look at me over her thick ebony rimmed glasses and she knew things were thick. She could not fathom a 1hr session with me after having dealt with so many loonies today but she had her solution...
By the way you can't tell that she is not so enthusiastic about her job as she is always nodding avidly as the loonie(in this case, me) speaks their mind and pours their heart out to her...until the day I found out that she was nodding her way to deep slumber! So i figured she sticks to the job for the quick buck...an easy $500/hr earned and all she has to offer in the end is a quick summary of your life and ask you how you intend to solve your problems. See...no sweat! I figure it is for the same reason Miss Bloomer hasn't sent me to the bin yet...its all about the money, and money makes the world go round you know...
So now, how to solve my problems? That's the part I hate most...b'coz then I have to think. You know I haven't ever been a good problem solver, my mathematics is very rusty, and that's why my life is such a mess. And then agen I could always jump a cliff...but that was Alfie's solution to his problems and we never could see eye to eye in anything...so in that case am not jumping a cliff...especially not the same cliff he made a leap to his death from.(Alfie was my good friend, best friend, only friend.)
Did I tell you that I was there when he decided to jump? Now, you know my life is fucked up,but that's not even a drop of it! His lasts words as he took the giant leap into the after-life were,
"AM COMIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNG!", and I swear to you that was the first time I saw him get an erection! He believed in re-incanation... That he was to be an African Prince in the next life...
Nway back to the plot. One way or another, speaking to my shrink does offer me some solace.She doesn't offer solutions...just a half-listening ear.So now someone is wondering why the hell I have to pay 500bucks an hr for someone to listen to me...don't I have friends?You wonder. See, all my friends except Alfie(R.I.P) are in the loonie bin already...and you guessed it...courtesy of moi!(mwaah)
People say I am a grumpy person, but look at the world around you and there is so much to be unhappy about.There is global warming, kids shooting each other in schools, people humping each other around...(I dont get much sex,by the way.)
They also say that I am very trivial (a.k.a petty). So that makes me what? A petty grump?
Anyway if you ask me...am just a realist.Kwanza for that 500/hr session...there should be at least a pretty face sitting at the reception...instead I am greeted by a shoe that "talks like a fish and has the personality of a goat." Now you see why am grumpy?
Anyway, that's it for now people. You were very mistaken if you thought I would divulge the details of my session with my shrink.Thats a storo is very privileged and confidential material save for another day when I can at least laugh at my situation.For now BOSTON LEGAL beacons.
Gotta Love Denny Crane!

St Pauls Church

Federation Square

With its brightly coloured concrete lawn and steps, Federation Square or FedSQ as many Melbournians refer to it, is a unique public space designed by the Labarchitects. FedSQ is a conglomeration of sharply-angled, odd-looking buildings that seem to scream out loud for attention: LOOK AT ME! This desire for attention is even more pronounced when you contrast FedSQ to its surrounding buildings...that is the St Pauls which is of the Medieval Gothic Style and Flinder's Station which has Classical bearings.

From endless adoration from its fans to the seamless ridicule generated by its critiques , FedSQ is indeed a bold architectural step in defining what public space means in the modern city and its inhabitants.

Personally, I think FedSQ's only salvation is that it is located "right smack in the centre" of the Melbourne CBD and therefore at some point both visitors and locals find themselves quizzed by its presence. Its architecture that you simply can't chose to ignore. Its simlply: Confrontational.

click on images for larger views!